Should Have Done Something

When you find yourself busiest, if often the time you seek for self reflection. I am overdue on a project that I really want to do, but cannot seem to find the inspiration to complete it.
Doing things for others, as is the tattoo artists way, can become a frustrating path.
By no means is my art as restricted as that of a tattoo artist, but I am in appreciation of their pain tonight.
My extra offerings are outside of my 9-5, and I do them because I need them.
I need to glue my fingers together while trying to hold tiny gears still.
I need to slice into those same fingers with an X-Acto knife because I need to know I am still real.
Conversely I need to be creating other peoples imaginations using my daily skills and this I am finding almost impossible to do.
I was asked to create an animation for someone I love deeply, yet I cannot find the time to make it.
Until I began making these goggles, I really never considered myself an artist. What am I saying, I still don’t. I make these things because I need to. I make these things because my fingers need to feel that brief resistance to the blade.
Always I do my best to make sure everyone I have a commitment to is satisfied. Sometimes life gets in the way.

For this I am sorry.

I have no idea what I am alive for. What my purpose here is. I really don’t. I enjoy the shit out of squirrels running across the street. Their body wave will always make me smile. Many things I should be doing, not enjoying, but I cannot focus.

Goggle making is very close to motorcycle riding to me. When I start a pair of steampunk goggles, that is my focus, and the rest of the world fades away. When I ride my motorcycle there is only the thought of staying alive. Goggles is not quite that pure of thought, but it comes close. This is why I do it.

This is why I love you.
This is why I thank you.
Steam on.

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